Helpless Squirrel Surrounded By A Dozen Dick-Heads With Camera Phones

I'm walking with Sam through Temple Campus today (on our way to the "Ten O'Clock" shoot -- last day!!!) when we stumble upon a large group of people all smoking and holding their arms out in full extension with camera phones snapping pictures and recording a hawk cradling a poor, innocent squirrel on the sidewalk. The hawk was repeatedly biting at the squirrel, who was now long gone, and looking up at its spectators.

If I was there minutes earlier, I would have saved that squirrel. And all those stupid fuckers on the sidewalk... they've got the nerve. They should have jumped in there and saved him themselves. That's all.

Three Practices Essential to a Guy's Well-Being

So Friday night -- actually more like Saturday morning -- Yoseph and I are getting on the elevator to go to our room. Three guys get on with us, each one drunker than the last. They are all carrying these bags of chicken from some kind of fast food place. Smells really good. They strikes up a small conversation and then they get off at the floor below us. We get to the room and after a while I go out to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash up. In the hallway are two of the guys from the elevator. One of them still has the chicken, but now has no shirt on. The other one is telling him that he can't eat in the bathroom, but shirtless assures him that it will all be okay.

As I'm standing there washing my face, I here this kids stumble into a stall, sit down, and begin to munch away on his chicken. It is a strange place, but its not totally out there. I finish washing my face and after I pat it dry, I head over to a stall for the final spill. As I use the toilet, I can hear the chicken kid in his stall having a bad case of the runs. That chicken goes through ya! I finish up as quickly as I can and I flush the toilet. As I walk by again to begin to brush my teeth, I hear him let out a great sigh of relief. Good for him, right?

I start brushing my teeth and what do I here? This guy is masturbating! He's getting into it, moaning to himself and panting like a dog. I get my stuff together and retreat. This kid managed to eat a meal of chicken, poop, and masturbate all in one sitting. Amazing.

Anyways... an hour later I hear some knocking on the door and who could it be but the chicken-poopin'-masturbatin' kid. He's got a shirt back on, but in a manner that makes me think he put it on the ground and then army crawled into it like a hot-drunken-mess. So he's at the door and he says "Hey man."

And I tell him I don't know him. He smells like ass. "Do you have my keys?" He asks several times. I tell him I don't him again and push the door on him. He grabs my hand and shakes it and asks me if I want to party. I tell him we will, knowing I won't see him again. I close the door, realizing I have chicken-poop-jizz on my hand.

More Girls Gone Wild and Keri Hilson Concert

Woke up late yesterday. I thought it was like 9 o'clock, but the alarm clock actually read twelve. So I popped out of bed as my man Yoseph was getting ready for his shower. A little while later I go downstairs to have lunch (he's still fasting for Ramadan). So I sit down at a table with my meal and some huge athlete-looking guy and his girlfriend approach my table. They sit down at the other end and he reaches his hand out as if to shake my hand. So I shake his and realize he was asking me to pass him the napkins ( >:o ). So I try to break up the awkward moment by starting a conversation, but he didn't seem interested. He seemed like one of those huge dicks every high school has and his girlfriend is that really nice girl you wish wasn't dating him. I'm not saying you'd rather date her, but you'd rather she didn't throw this part of her life away with the huge penis on shoulders.

Late in the afternoon yesterday, it was coming close to time to finally eat some dinner with Yoseph, when a parade of girls (definitely from upstairs, one of them was shouting her room number into each dorm) marches down the hall. Note: we keep our door propped open late in the afternoon and in the evening so we can blast Eazy-E. I make a rough count of eighteen to twenty girls, and they're all going to the same room. The guys in this room must be having some kind of shoe giveaway or something; maybe giving out those Coach bags every girl melts over in the stores. Anyways, they're running up and down the halls, but we make nothing of it. We're hungry.

After dinner, we return to the room to find out that these girls are still in this room. The room must be a suite or something, otherwise these girls are in and under these guys' beds, in their closets, sitting on their desks, maybe even shoved into the refrigerator. We get back into our room and one of our friends stops by. He's on his way to the showers, but is planning on going to see Keri Hilson in an hour. It was a free concert hosted by Temple for Temple students. We told him that we'd go with him when suddenly four or so girls from upstairs walked by and commented on our friend's nakedness. By the way, these girls are walking around in those short dress-skirt things you always see girls wear at parties or dance clubs or whatever, but rest assured, none of them had any swag on. They were like kids in a candy shop seeing all these boys in the same place. I'm still shaking my head.

Anyways about five minutes later, I'm sitting at my desk when every one of these girls passes by again, but in the other direction. They're retreating. So finally we have some peace and quiet by the time we leave for the concert. We meet up with our friend -- who was in his room telling us his door was unlocked over and over again, but we were on the other side not really hearing him, just thinking he was talking to someone else -- and we're off. Who do we find, but the flock of girls all outside another room near the stairwell. They're talking about partying and stuff and I'm still shaking my head. They ask us if we're going into the room they're waiting outside of, but we tell them that we're actually going down the stairs to get the hell out of here. As we hustle down the steps, one of them recklessly yells her room number to us, while her friend tells her to knock it off with inviting boys to her room.

So we get to the venue and it is packed. There's a line of about a thousand people and I know that in any minute there's going to be three thousand more. We get in line, but aren't too far away. When they start letting people in, they suddenly hold up the line and tell all of us that we're on the wrong side and the line is on the other side of the big crowd. I grab Yoseph and we swim through a thousand pushy teenagers and I snatch us a spot in a little hole within the line on the other side. We look behind us and see that if we didn't squeeze in, we would have been down the block.

So they finally let us in and we see the show and it was okay. The opening act was called Swift Technique and they were so ridiculous, you'd be embarrassed too to be watching them. We were wondering why they would put a band like them up before The Dream and Keri Hilson. There was no match in genre or style or whatever. Then The Dream came on for like 20 minutes and then Keri for 20 or so. Its tough to be here, since she doesn't have too many full length songs of her own so most of what she performed was like a minute or less.

Anyways all we did was come back to the dorm and nothing else happened. There was a small stampede of those crazy girls again, but nothing else was eventful enough to remember. Temple had convocation today and that was pretty much it. Tonight should be uneventful because most people have classes tomorrow morning. Except me, cause I don't start till three. And I love rubbin' that in, cause its not gonna last.